I set up 2 of my friends on a blind date a couple of months back and they have kind of hit it off.

The lady friend is 28, has an MBA and is doing her level 3 CFA exams next year.  She is working in a financial instituition with a rank of AVP and is expected to get promoted to VP within the next 2 years.  She probably earns 6-8K a month (guesstimate  )  She has high ambitions and is looking to climb up the corporate ladder as quickly as possible.

The guy is 31.  Graduated when he was 25, also working a financial instituition with a rank of Associate.  He probably earns 4K a month (guesstimate   )  He is just your average Joe, not too ambitious or smart, just wants to eke out a normal living and get through life simply.

They dated for a while and being friends to the both of them, I get to hear of their progress whenever I meet them for lunch, separately of course.

Apparently both of them have the same fears, they recognise that there is this huge gap in terms of earning power and have expressed some concern that it might become a bone of contention in the future should they end up being together.

Being friends to both of them, I am genuinely concerned.  After all, I brought them together.  What should I tell them or advise them?

And don't give me those fairy tale advice about true love conquering all regardless of money, ambition or educational differences.  Let me hear your views.

Originally posted by charlize:

I set up 2 of my friends on a blind date a couple of months back and they have kind of hit it off.

The lady friend is 28, has an MBA and is doing her level 3 CFA exams next year.  She is working in a financial instituition with a rank of AVP and is expected to get promoted to VP within the next 2 years.  She probably earns 6-8K a month (guesstimate  )  She has high ambitions and is looking to climb up the corporate ladder as quickly as possible.

The guy is 31.  Graduated when he was 25, also working a financial instituition with a rank of Associate.  He probably earns 4K a month (guesstimate   )  He is just your average Joe, not too ambitious or smart, just wants to eke out a normal living and get through life simply.

They dated for a while and being friends to the both of them, I get to hear of their progress whenever I meet them for lunch, separately of course.

Apparently both of them have the same fears, they recognise that there is this huge gap in terms of earning power and have expressed some concern that it might become a bone of contention in the future should they end up being together.

Being friends to both of them, I am genuinely concerned.  After all, I brought them together.  What should I tell them or advise them?

And don't give me those fairy tale advice about true love conquering all regardless of money, ambition or educational differences.  Let me hear your views.

Ermmmmm.........

Why do you always set yourself up for complications?

Isn't your life complicated as it is?

Originally posted by maurizio13:

Ermmmmm.........

Why do you always set yourself up for complications?

Isn't your life complicated as it is?

 

You think this is complicated?

Wait a while more, I have got more complexed situations.

Originally posted by charlize:

I set up 2 of my friends on a blind date a couple of months back and they have kind of hit it off.

The lady friend is 28, has an MBA and is doing her level 3 CFA exams next year.  She is working in a financial instituition with a rank of AVP and is expected to get promoted to VP within the next 2 years.  She probably earns 6-8K a month (guesstimate  )  She has high ambitions and is looking to climb up the corporate ladder as quickly as possible.

The guy is 31.  Graduated when he was 25, also working a financial instituition with a rank of Associate.  He probably earns 4K a month (guesstimate   )  He is just your average Joe, not too ambitious or smart, just wants to eke out a normal living and get through life simply.

They dated for a while and being friends to the both of them, I get to hear of their progress whenever I meet them for lunch, separately of course.

Apparently both of them have the same fears, they recognise that there is this huge gap in terms of earning power and have expressed some concern that it might become a bone of contention in the future should they end up being together.

Being friends to both of them, I am genuinely concerned.  After all, I brought them together.  What should I tell them or advise them?

And don't give me those fairy tale advice about true love conquering all regardless of money, ambition or educational differences.  Let me hear your views.

ego problem for earn and spend power.

wife promoted and earn more, husband can quit and be househushand and take flexi part time.

Originally posted by charlize:

You think this is complicated?

 

Wait a while more, I have got more complexed situations.

Sometimes matches like these might work, one with high aspirations, while the other is down to earth, at least there is a balance.

I am not too sure how your guy friend would feel about his ego, having a wife that earns more than him might make him feel inferior to her. Unless he is very open minded and not against the idea of his wife making more money than him.

Actually if I were a guy, I would feel damn proud that my wife is so capable and successful.

It depends on what kinda personality that guy has. Either he is a MCP or he is someone who will think like me, if I were a guy lolz. If he is a MCP, then it will definitely turn out a disaster. But if he isn't, then they can look forward to a happy future together :)

Originally posted by Rednano:

ego problem for earn and spend power.

wife promoted and earn more, husband can quit and be househushand and take flexi part time.

Easy to say.

Imagine the awkwardness in a social event whereby the high flying wife introduces her hubby as a househusband to her friends and peers.

It's hard to change social norms, not a matter of whether the guy is MCP.

Originally posted by charlize:

Easy to say.

Imagine the awkwardness in a social event whereby the high flying wife introduces her hubby as a househusband to her friends and peers.

as in the recently ended run of the 9pm show of tay ping hui and ann kok ?

Originally posted by maurizio13:

 

It's hard to change social norms, not a matter of whether the guy is MCP.

 

It all depends on the couple. If they don't mind personally, nothing others say will bother them. Even if it is against social norms, it is up to their personal belief and principles.

This is already 2008. Women are no longer condemned to just stay behind a kitchen and slave her life away. So we cannot keep expecting that it will always be men who are more capable than women and will always be the breadwinner. Why can't they just see it like this: the more successful the woman is, the more money they will have collectively as a family, the better chance they will have at living a good life? Who cares who contribute more or less? It all goes within the family anyway.

Originally posted by rainee:

Actually if I were a guy, I would feel damn proud that my wife is so capable and successful.

It depends on what kinda personality that guy has. Either he is a MCP or he is someone who will think like me, if I were a guy lolz. If he is a MCP, then it will definitely turn out a disaster. But if he isn't, then they can look forward to a happy future together :)

Go ask your hubby to seriously consider becoming a househusband to take of the kids while you go work.  The word here is SERIOUSLY.  Ask if he is willing to quit his job tomorrow and put on an apron to cook and clean the house and look after the kids while you work.

See what he says.

Assume of course, money is not a problem.

Originally posted by charlize:

And don't give me those fairy tale advice about true love conquering all regardless of money, ambition or educational differences.  Let me hear your views.

u noe that's the ans to yr qn, why do u wan to avoid it?

if 2 ppl get together for reasons other than love, something's really really really wrong

Originally posted by 00king00:

u noe that's the ans to yr qn, why do u wan to avoid it?

if 2 ppl get together for reasons other than love, something's really really really wrong

Nobody can survive on true love alone in singapore.

Money plays a very big part.

Everybody knows that.

Those who don't think so, do so at their own peril.

true love dun keep u full...

money can buy you bread...

True love conquers all!

yeah right

Originally posted by charlize:

Go ask your hubby to seriously consider becoming a househusband to take of the kids while you go work.  The word here is SERIOUSLY.  Ask if he is willing to quit his job tomorrow and put on an apron to cook and clean the house and look after the kids while you work.

 

See what he says.

 

Assume of course, money is not a problem.

Erm, the guy doesn't have to quit his job right?

He can still continue to work, doesn't mean that his wife is so successful then he doesn't need to work ma. They can just both contribute to the household expenses lor, like this the guy won't feel like the wife is feeding him instead of the other way round.

My hubby is already doing freelance at home at the moment, and I am guessing he will be the one who spent more time with the kids next time round when we actually have them. That is if I continue to teach in public school...

Originally posted by charlize:

Nobody can survive on true love alone in singapore.

 

Money plays a very big part.

 

Everybody knows that.

 

Those who don't think so, do so at their own peril.

Yea, so this couple already has that money problem solved cos the woman can earn so much so she can contribute more to the household expenses.

Well, I think it really depends on how they felt about each other. Are they truly in love? Does the guy often feel stressed and lack self-esteem when they're together? Does the girl think that he is too laid back and lack the drive a man should have? From what you stated, it seems to be the case. I believe you can help them.

Tell the girl, that simplicity is not a flaw. In fact, being able to slow down the pace and enjoy a simple life with someone you love is romantic. Make her listen to the song "So close". It'll get her thinking...does she really want to give up this chance?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH8WAoRL1xo

She might be a career-minded woman, but inside her, she yearns to be a little girl who is pampered and treated like a princess by someone she loves.

For the guy, try to address his worries. Help boost his self-esteem and ego. Earning $4K as a banker isn't much, but its sufficient to enjoy a comfortable life..compared to many others who isn't that fortunate. Motivate him to aim higher, but do not stress him like his girlfriend did. Be cautious because even a harmless question like, "where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" may shrink his esteem.

Lastly, leave it to them. Honestly, I've seen people with different goals in life live happily together, just because love is unconditional.

Originally posted by charlize:

Nobody can survive on true love alone in singapore.

 

Money plays a very big part.

 

Everybody knows that.

 

Those who don't think so, do so at their own peril.

true, no one can survive on love alone, but neither can a couple survive just based on money alone, in fact that will be an even larger "peril"

i agree that both love and $$ are impt to r/s, but u seem to have gotten the priority wrong...

love should come before $$, not the other way round as u seem to suggest

Originally posted by rainee:

It all depends on the couple. If they don't mind personally, nothing others say will bother them. Even if it is against social norms, it is up to their personal belief and principles.

This is already 2008. Women are no longer condemned to just stay behind a kitchen and slave her life away. So we cannot keep expecting that it will always be men who are more capable than women and will always be the breadwinner. Why can't they just see it like this: the more successful the woman is, the more money they will have collectively as a family, the better chance they will have at living a good life? Who cares who contribute more or less? It all goes within the family anyway.

It's subjective but even if the guy accepts being househusband, there is the issue of social stigma.

I guess during the last half century, there were lots of economic changes to empower the female species, but social norms have yet to catch up with economic development in the east.

Making more money and having a higher standard of living is alright, but the issue crops up when the couple have kids. Who would be the one forsaking his career to look after the kids? Economically and ideally would be the guy giving up the job because he makes less, therefore less opportunity cost. If they don't intend to have kids, then it's not a major issue, because both can keep their careers.

Originally posted by rainee:

Yea, so this couple already has that money problem solved cos the woman can earn so much so she can contribute more to the household expenses.

Not everything in life revolves around money.

爱情与面包？

Originally posted by charlize:

I set up 2 of my friends on a blind date a couple of months back and they have kind of hit it off.

The lady friend is 28, has an MBA and is doing her level 3 CFA exams next year.  She is working in a financial instituition with a rank of AVP and is expected to get promoted to VP within the next 2 years.  She probably earns 6-8K a month (guesstimate  )  She has high ambitions and is looking to climb up the corporate ladder as quickly as possible.

The guy is 31.  Graduated when he was 25, also working a financial instituition with a rank of Associate.  He probably earns 4K a month (guesstimate   )  He is just your average Joe, not too ambitious or smart, just wants to eke out a normal living and get through life simply.

They dated for a while and being friends to the both of them, I get to hear of their progress whenever I meet them for lunch, separately of course.

Apparently both of them have the same fears, they recognise that there is this huge gap in terms of earning power and have expressed some concern that it might become a bone of contention in the future should they end up being together.

Being friends to both of them, I am genuinely concerned.  After all, I brought them together.  What should I tell them or advise them?

And don't give me those fairy tale advice about true love conquering all regardless of money, ambition or educational differences.  Let me hear your views.

True love conquers all.

But genuinely concerned friend will always come in between to disrupt people's True love.

If you sincerely want to help them, you can start by asking them what do they feel about each other. From they replies, you will be able to take it from there to find out what is the real reason behind their excuses....ahem...fear.

When two person really come together as a couple, they don't have such worries as narrated by you. Those are merely your own fears for the both of them.

Love no longer has a meaning in the relationship when both parties began to place higher value towards Money over Love. This is clearly not a love relationship, but only another business deal.

I should've just allow this topic to die without a viable solution, but unlike you, I chose to save than to flame.

Originally posted by charlize:

I set up 2 of my friends on a blind date a couple of months back and they have kind of hit it off.

The lady friend is 28, has an MBA and is doing her level 3 CFA exams next year.  She is working in a financial instituition with a rank of AVP and is expected to get promoted to VP within the next 2 years.  She probably earns 6-8K a month (guesstimate  )  She has high ambitions and is looking to climb up the corporate ladder as quickly as possible.

The guy is 31.  Graduated when he was 25, also working a financial instituition with a rank of Associate.  He probably earns 4K a month (guesstimate   )  He is just your average Joe, not too ambitious or smart, just wants to eke out a normal living and get through life simply.

They dated for a while and being friends to the both of them, I get to hear of their progress whenever I meet them for lunch, separately of course.

Apparently both of them have the same fears, they recognise that there is this huge gap in terms of earning power and have expressed some concern that it might become a bone of contention in the future should they end up being together.

Being friends to both of them, I am genuinely concerned.  After all, I brought them together.  What should I tell them or advise them?

And don't give me those fairy tale advice about true love conquering all regardless of money, ambition or educational differences.  Let me hear your views.

It will be a problem if they 'let it become'/'allow it to be' a problem. It is not a problem if they do not let it or allow it to be a problem.

Nothing to do with true love or what true love is. This is relationship management. You manage the relationship well, you have a good relationship. Otherwise, otherwise.

my cousin is a cfo, her husband is a poly dip tech specialist, married more than 15 yrs, 3 kids…she earns thrice his pay…seems happy enough, when they met, they already had that difference…...i do think in such a situation, the onus is very much on the lady….my cousin is very easy going and not given into pettiness, sure there were talk but it didn’t matter to her…